Yes, I'm seriously doing this.

Let me paint you a picture: I'm sitting alone in my apartment, with only a cat to keep my company. And I just ate 4 cinnamon rolls. Why do I tell you this? To prove to you just how pathetic and alone I am.

Don't roll your eyes.

Don't feel sorry for me, either. I don't want your sympathy.

Then why blog about my pathetic existence if I don't want people's sympathy, you ask? For educational purposes only. [Do not try this at home.]

Look, I'm fat. Really really really fat. And, like most fat people, I dream about the day when I can finally be....unfat. I don't want to say skinny, 'cos lord knows I'ma never gonna be a size 2. But I would like to get rid of some of this extra weight that I'm carrying around. Seriously. It feels like I'm tugging around a 12 year old, for goodness sake. So I'm trying to have weight loss surgery.

Sure, lots of people successfully have weight loss surgery and live happily ever after, so why am I so important that I deserve my own blog? Well, 1) it's free, so you can suck it; 2) I like to do things the hard way, which is a good thing because my insurance company has denied coverage 3 times (more on this later), so it's bound to be a good read; 3) I'm a poor graduate student, with poor credit, no reliable income, and trying to finance the surgery without the help of my oh-so-supportive (insert sarcasm here) family; and, most importantly, 4) I'm a narcissist.

I have this dream that throughout the course of this "journey," my blog will become a cult sensation. I could be the Bridget Jones of my time, only on the internet. That is, until some publisher picks up wind of my wild success on the internet, and gives me an 8 -figure book deal. Or 7-figure. Fine, 6-figure. Sigh. Maybe the book is so successful that it's turned into a major motion picture? I don't even care if it tanks! (Which it won't, obviously, because it'll be about me!). And since I'll be hot, sexy, and unfat by the premiere, I will wear some swanky ball gown, with Christian Bale as my arm candy.

HEY. A girl can dream.

Fine, the real reason that I'm starting this blog is this: to help make the process for the next fattie to have weight loss surgery go a little bit smoother. I'm sure there are blogs like this already. That talk about insurance and finance options and all that crap, but honestly, I'm too lazy to search. So I'm just gonna start my own. I hope that somewhere out there, there is a fat girl just like me who is DYING to let the skinny bitch that lives beneath her layers and layers AND LAYERS of fat and cellulite OUT FOR FRESH AIR! So even if the process sucks for me, maybe it will help someone else.

So that's it.

I am going to try to be as candid as possible because I don't feel the need to censor myself.
I will probably offend you. Just know this now.

If you have a problem with something I say, deal with it.

See #4 above. I'm a narcissist.

Buckle up. It's bound to be a bumpy ride.

-H